The Illusive Future

It has occured to me of late that I'm really going to miss being a scholarly student. Of course I know it was difficult being poor and not being able to read the books I wanted to. The fact is, I'm living through a stage in my development where my purpose in life seems to have evaporated. Job searching is an odd process, because unfortunately I won't be able to write an essay instead of an interview. If that was possible I'd be sorted! My interview skills are terrible, so much so that one of my kind friends has offered to go through a load of notes and questions with me to get me on the right track. I hate feeling like I have to sell myself, and to be honest, I would much rather be friendly than professional. She's got her work cut out. I also have the pressing matter of money and rent. I have no money, and the inevitable sound of rent knocking muffled, yet menacingly on the door. It's very traumatic obviously, living as I do, in one of the richest countries of the world, with opportunities open to me wherever I turn! I'm afraid I'm still going to worry though. It's unavoidable (my real name being Worry Fret McWorryson, but don't tell anyone!).

I really didn't think I'd miss doing my dissertation, and I was so damn relieved to finally finish it. What's more I got a first for it, so for once I actually succeeded in being succinct enough that someone understood what I was getting at. I spent my whole degree wondering what I'd get for essays, thinking I'd done well on ones that turned out bad, and vice versa. It has to be one of the weirdest feelings I've ever had, that I could possibly want all the pressure and stress again, but I guess it's because until my University years education was the last thing I wanted to have to endure. I'm a strange kind of nerd you see...I've always loved to learn, but hated education! University let me learn, without making me feel put upon to be "educated".

Now the world of work beckons, or at least I hope it does otherwise I'm gonna be stuck for answers, and rent, and food come to that! I imagine my procrastination hasn't helped. In fact I may have to write a whole other entry cataloguing my procrastination tendencies. I'm the tortoise rather than the hare, it has to be said. I wish there was a way to inject confidence into oneself. Maybe it's Speed. Although I doubt that would get me a job. And I would despise myself forever! Maybe I'll try drinking more coffee.

More anon dear folk.

100 things about Alice

I've noticed this has been used to fill up some space on other peoples Blogs, so I thought I'd make a list of various facts about me. Fun for all who read it! Woo!

1. My middle name is Rose
2. I grew up in Harpenden, Hertfordshire
3. My first crush was Prince William (dear lord!)
4. My favourite childrens book was Dogger by Shirley Hughes
5. I sound desperately middle class
6. I was born 3 weeks early
7. I would love to live by the sea
8. My favourite primary school teacher was Miss Glanville (she wore pink and black lycra leggings, the height of fashion)
9. My oldest friend is Anne Newton (since we were 4)
10. I want my first car to be a mini
11. I would love to buy my parents an MG
12. I hate the smell of hospitals
13. I started playing the violin when I was 8 years old
14. My piano playing skills are abismal
15. I was diagnosed as Epileptic at the the age of 3
16. My last fit was at age 14
17. I believe that none of our political parties know entirely what they're doing
18. I vote Lib Dem
19. The first film I saw in the cinema was Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility
20. The last film I saw was the Break-up (really unrepresentative of my film tastes)
21. Now and then, I have uncontrollable cravings for Olives
22. Alright then...I crave olives all the time...
23. Olives
24. I once was part of a quiz team named Saggy Man Boobs
25. Quiz tip... If in doubt, write Elton John
26. My first pet was a black and white rabbit named Flopsy
27. My little sister couldn't say it so called her Slopsy
28. I used to think the Matrix was good, but the sequals ruined it
29. I have unintentionally modelled myself on Anne of Green Gables (the books are great!)
30. I was called Alliiiiiiiiiiice by a French lady when I was 10, which confused me
31. In America my name was morphed into Aeeeeelce
32. And also Ahhhlice
33. I am half Irish (isn't everyone!)
34. There is French in my heritage somewhere, no one's sure!
35. I am named after a relative of my Grandpa, who liked to go on adventures, so I'm told
36. I did my grade 8 violin in 2003
37. I would love to go to Canada one day
38. Also China
39. Dogs are the best pets you can have
40. I love to sketch and paint
41. The cardboard box was always more inspiring than the toy inside
42. I had a goldfish named George
43. I had a second golfish, also named George
44. I miss all my grandparents every day
45. I am fascinated by old steam locomotives
46. I think a cruise would be the most boring holiday ever
47. I feel most alive walking in the mountains
48. I feel confinedand irratic in cities
49. York Minster and other cathedrals take my breath away
50. So does the amount of money some people spend on clothes
51. I sometimes pray while walking in town
52. Candles make me feel calm
53. I find Christmas is always a slight let-down
54. I am a Christian
55. Christians can really wind me up
56. I have learned that love and annoyance go hand in hand
57. Sometimes I make unfortunate jokes and offend people
58. I have grown used to the joke being on me
59. I will always regret not standing up for myself against bullies
60. I enjoy knowing that I have done far more already than they will ever imagine
61. I have no desire to swim with Dolphins
62. I have always found adults deeply hypocritical
63. I realise that I am an adult, and I too can be hypocritical
64. I'm incapable of going to bed before midnight
65. I am sleep deprived
66. I hope to live in a small cottage some day
67. I hope to own a squashy red sofa to go in the cottage
68. I love Blackcurrant pie
69. I know 6 couples of my age who are getting married
70. I am amazed, scared, inspired and in awe of their decision
71. Trust is something I find difficult to understand
72. It frustrates me when people say classical music is all the same
73. I don't think Coldplay are the worst band in the world
74. The Eels are amazing
75. I have gone through phases of wanting to be a vicar
76. I have also dreamed of being a virtuoso violinist
77. I have never known what it's like to have eyes that work properly
78. I wish I wasn't so naive when I was 19
79. I hope there is other life out in space
80. I write poetry when I'm on the train
81. I cannot walk in high heels
82. I have no patience with vain people
83. I am always first to go out in Poker
84. My favourite childhood game was hide-and-seek
85. I still like playing hide-and-seek
86. I hate wasps
87. I like bumble bees
88. I've been stung 5 times by wasps and bees
89. Swimming is my new found hobby
90. I miss being able to climb regularly
91. I'm not obsessed with chocolate like some people
92. Hot Chocolate however is my favourite wintertime drink
93. I fully expect to wake up as a teabag one day
94. I hate mess
95. I love lived in clutter
96. I'm glad we have a royal family
97. I look forward to being a grandma
98. Hell, some people already see me as a grandma!
99. Unrequited love has been the bain of my existence
100. Not anymore

Phew! That'll do for now I think. Well done all those who make it this far.

More anon... :o)

The Judegments of Bearded Men

Now and then... alright, quite often, (for I'm a thoughtful kind of person) I sit back and contemplate my perceptions of this crazy world. The conclusions I make are never actually conclusive, rather, they leave room for later contemplation, as all good films and novels do. I do have a theory that I come back to, concerning people and my judgments of them. I am unfortunately quite judgemental, and have come to recognise it as a fault in myself. For example, the other day in the Science Museum in London I found myself being wound up by children who hogged all the fun interactive things. I wanted to play too!!! But alas as was always the case when I too was very young, I never got a look-in. The long and short of it is that I'm now feeling somewhat foolish for my strange jealousy of people so much younger than myself. maybe I'm psychologically scarred by my childhood, or maybe I've just never fully grown up!

One person who I greatly admire for his damning observations of the world is Bill Bailey. I'm teased for my avid love of this bearded hippy looking musician/comedian/dwarf...but seriously, the reason he has the edge over so many comedians is that he complains about the world in a bitter twisted, yet completely intelligent way. He makes a mockery out of dicatorial leaders of our past, for example, not by saying they were "*!%*!!"*!", but instead he picks out their comic value with genuine historical facts. He also claims that Chris Deburg is evil, which I strongly support! And that BBC News is signalling an apocalyptic rave whenever we sit town with a cuppa in front of the 6 O'clock headlines. I said they were damning observations, but really what I appreciate most in this comedy is the fact that there is enjoyment and a kind of fondness for all that is crap. It's a celebration of all the western worlds blunders... and bad musicians!

Another thing, I think it's part of British identity to be ridiculous, and I thoroughly expect people to laugh at me and the stupid things I say. I even make myself laugh just thinking stupid things sometimes! Maybe I admit too much...

more anon... I will be more attentive to my blog once again...

Hippos are graceful in Water

Something has occured. Something that I never expected to happen... I have fallen victim to... DROD! For anyone who is a little confused, that is the acronym for Dungeon Rooms Of Death... doesn't it sound dreadful! Its a game downloaded from online, and I am busy working my way through the demo. (I'm too mean to invest in the whole game!) I don't know whether its the charmingly naive graphics and cheaply produced sound effects, or the fact that I am hideously bored and will do anything to avoid having to write job applications. Either way, I'm hooked. It involves killing cockroaches, and genrally masquerading as an ogre-like man with a sword and a wayward nephew who you seem to have brought along and consequently endangered his life. Its kind of fun, and I'm not one for games. I find it easy to play, which is rare. It's actually hilarious. I've played XBox games for a few years now and I will freely admit to being one of those girls who has to sway my whole body in the direction I'm going on-screen. And then...inevitably...I crash! There is no getting away from the absurdness of this new found enjoyment of computer generated games. And I'm actually not half bad. (Ok, I'm not on the most difficult of levels yet, but it's a start!)

Moving away from that startling admission, I have also been benefitting from the pleasures of swimming. In fact I think it's safe to say that I'm fitter than I've ever felt in my life. At school I always came in last in the cross country run, always felt excrutiatingly self-consious in my red PE kit, and always moved like a hippopotamus in all sports, be it in Tennis, Hockey, or Gym. It was torture... but now I'm much more comfortable with my ridiculousness, and have resolved to stick the proverbial middle finger to anyone who smirks in my general direction as I emerge from the changing rooms in my swimmimg costume. As it is, they don't really look because they're far too involved in their own business: A lesson I have learned in latter years. I'm still intimidated by 13 year-olds though. I'm sure I'll get over that one day! Nevertheless I'm now feeling all the aches and pains that I complain of so much just disappear, so I'm very pleased. I sound like a woman of 70 rather than 22! I think I'd best be off...

More anon dear folk... Its way past my bedtime...

Jazz Hands!

It's official... Everyone loves Jools Holland... News Flash people... KIERAN DANCED!!!! I was impressed in fact. Surely that shows how great the marvelous Jazz master really is if he can get a staunch indie loving cynic to tap his feet! I ask you, what is the world coming to if we can't have a boogie now and again and not care what the hell we look like. As Kat rightly said, we were fitting in perfectly with all the middle aged people around us as we just really didn't care... in fact I feel it's safe to say that my dancing skills have now developed to the proud age of 45 with no shame whatsoever! The atmousphere at the gig was amazing, and the solo artists that Jools Holland brought on stage were truely amazing. What makes it great is the way that the audience can react to the music, and it get grannies up on their feet as well as tiny tots and everyone else in between... It was all over too quickly with the 10:00pm curfew, (grumble) but I was left in an amazingly good mood and was genuinely surprised how quickly it seemed to be over. Time really does fly when you're having fun... and have drunk some tasty wine... and feasted on fine food... I highly recommend such events...

Yesterday (Sunday 6th August) was also fun, although more mixed with exhaustion and moodiness induced by fatigue. One of my best friends, Paul from Uni in York, mentioned he was in Cambridge for a Volleyball tournament at the Rugby club, so I excitedly agreed to go to Cambridge to see him. So I set of with a map, dragging my Kieran behind me. We walked for about 40 minutes into uncharted territory before stumbling upon the Rugby club which we soon realised was teeming with rather athletically built, tanned and toned young people from all of Europe, Australia and America. It was very intimidating, and I wasn't sure we looked like we fitted in all that well! It soon became apparent that finding Paul was going to be a larger task than we had thought, considering, as we expected, his phone had run out of charge. We eventually found him, after stopping for a lemonade in a squashy plastic cup, being trampled by, it has to be said, two of the most adorable children I've ever met. After a brief conversation Paul went on court to play, leaving me to look after the children. Needless to say, I was cheered up no end by their endless babble of nonsense... It was a great way to end a rather bizarre day. I don't think Mr K minded too much either.

In other news...

Well it's not really news, but I'm contientiously looking for a decent job now. I'm hoping that a glowing CV and references will set me firmly on the road to success. I am however, very nervous about the whole process. For some reason I have invented an imaginary scenario in which I sit in an interview room and get laughed out by three rather ugly men in suits. I was warned by a few people that I probably won't get a whole load of jobs before I finally get one... But It's no good sitting around thinking about it like that. Does anyone have a thick skin I can borrow for this process? No... I didn't think so...

More anon dear folk... I feel a tea break coming on...

I'm Saved!

I was going about my daily business at home yesterday morning, tending to a sick parent, cleaning the kitchen, doing all those fun things one does at home, when the door bell rang... I opened the door not suspecting anything unusual and was confronted by two very prettily dressed little girls... one was around 10 years old, the other about 12. Quickly spotting the bible they were holding open I said "hello" with a slightly wary edge in my voice.

"Hello" they both replied "We thought you might like to hear a nice thought..."

I took a moment to process this, still trying to come to terms with the startling confrontation to my faith, made 10 times worse by the fact that these children looked up at me as if they had some kind of divine knowledge of all that is good.

"Er..." I jolted into action... "are you Jahovas Witnesses?"... I felt very dumb for saying this as it was very obvious... They were so sweet yet threatening, and as the younger one quickly jumped in with the question... "Do you have any beliefs at all? What do you think about religion?"... I felt extremely torn between my feelings of annoyance and not wanting to be horrible to such young girls, but I ended up saying in a rather awkward voice, as if I was back in the playground, "Well, actually I'm a strong Christian and I go to church as often as I can. I know what you believe and I'm afraid I don't agree with it."... They tried to keep me talking but I think they got the hint and left after saying thank you... Needless to say I felt a bit confused, and to be honest weirded out by the way in which two young girls were able to make me feel instantly guilty.... I tell you, they will be the ones you can't get rid of if they continue like that into their adult lives. I will be forever disturbed by my encounter with them.

By definition, this post must end here, as I have 15 minutes before I go to a Jools Holland concert. Undoubtedly That will be mentioned in my next entry.

More anon dear folk :o)

Old Friends New Friends

Now I don't mean to alienate any old friends by blogging like this, or indeed any new friends, but it has occured to me of late that, rather depressingly, my old friends have got rather thin on the ground... put another way, they have condensed, and become better, closer, more important, if you will, but that means I have inadvertantly lost some people along the way. In the meantime new friends seem to be sticking around in York, not wanting to move away yet. This gladdens me, naturally... yet it leaves me feeling a little concerned as to where and at what point in my recent past I lost touch with so many people. Just today I met an old friend in town... He seemed happy, and straight away told me of how great his life has been and how he is studying for another 5 years. "good for you" I said, or something to that effect, as I am genuinely happy for him. Again, he listed a few others of his recent successes... the tone of the conversation was clear, and I'm not entirely sure if he was pleased to see me as he just talked about himself and scurried of to work with his sandwich. The only thing I know is, in the past three years he hasn't changed a bit, and while as his friend I should let some of his annoying habits go, I'm now left with a distinct lack of "I DON'T CARE" syndrome. It's awful, as I never choose to go off people, but I can't say I'm that impressed by a person who practiacally begs for compliments, or alternatively, attempts to feign arrogance to get a rise. Am I alone in finding this happen with people I used to know? Am I a horrible horrible person?

Ah well, on to lighter topics...

Hair Cuts are bloody expensive these days. I remember being completely gobsmacked one day when I had my hair cut in a slightly more interesting style than usual, that the price was... £45!!!! Am I insane to think that this price is unreasonable? The only way I think it could be worth it is if they could guaruntee your hair would always look good for the next 2 years, or if they gave you the gift of flight, or a box of the most amazing chocolates ever made. I've known people to spend £70 on a haircut, and I make it known to them I think they're silly. Unless a haircut costs £10 - £15 I'm shocked. I think it comes from living in the north of England for too long. It's made me mean and miserly. Well, I'm off to dye my hair myself. £3.99... I can just about allow that. Hehe!

More anon dear folk. I'm off to drink tea... :o)

It all started with a song...

Well now, this is grand. Welcome to my first ever blog! So, I've been asking myself the question...What subject could be worthy of featuring in this first step into the Bloggers arena?! Well, I'm still clueless really, but I plan to introduce myself, with as little simpering self flattery as possible.

My name is Alice, unfortunately not of Wonderland fame, but my online name is Hilarious Catastrophes. I came up with this a little while ago, when I heard a song by KT Tunstall which includes the lines "miniature disasters and minor catastrophes, bring me to my knees." Now, obscure as they may be, they certainly struck a chord (there's a poor pun there somewhere) with me. I am, for one thing, very prone to miniature disasters. I am constantly falling over things... people... cats... doors... I swear, my legs and arms are covered in bruises due to my sheer lack of coordination, and not, as some might assume, because I get into fights regularly. I would be crap in a fight... I really would. On the other hand, while I may sometimes get frustrated with myself, and in the process scare my loved ones with my yells of annoyance, I do find myself, and the situations I find myself in really very funny. Hence, Hilarious Catastrophes. It says a lot about me, and the way I feel that everyone should aproach life. Life can be quite rubbish, but it's too short not to laugh at yourself... and God knows I have a lot of opportunities to do just that. I think this view of life is a very British one: all you need to do is read Shakespeare.

Oh, and there's another thing, I've just finished a degree in English Literature, although I can't really say I've emerged as the all knowing genius I was expecting to be. The best thing I can say is I've read a lot of books. And written about a lot of books. Yes, yes, it really is that exciting.

I will leave it there I think. You can pick up more information along the way, I'm sure I'll give more away later on in this Blogger's journey...

More anon dear folk.