The Illusive Future

It has occured to me of late that I'm really going to miss being a scholarly student. Of course I know it was difficult being poor and not being able to read the books I wanted to. The fact is, I'm living through a stage in my development where my purpose in life seems to have evaporated. Job searching is an odd process, because unfortunately I won't be able to write an essay instead of an interview. If that was possible I'd be sorted! My interview skills are terrible, so much so that one of my kind friends has offered to go through a load of notes and questions with me to get me on the right track. I hate feeling like I have to sell myself, and to be honest, I would much rather be friendly than professional. She's got her work cut out. I also have the pressing matter of money and rent. I have no money, and the inevitable sound of rent knocking muffled, yet menacingly on the door. It's very traumatic obviously, living as I do, in one of the richest countries of the world, with opportunities open to me wherever I turn! I'm afraid I'm still going to worry though. It's unavoidable (my real name being Worry Fret McWorryson, but don't tell anyone!).

I really didn't think I'd miss doing my dissertation, and I was so damn relieved to finally finish it. What's more I got a first for it, so for once I actually succeeded in being succinct enough that someone understood what I was getting at. I spent my whole degree wondering what I'd get for essays, thinking I'd done well on ones that turned out bad, and vice versa. It has to be one of the weirdest feelings I've ever had, that I could possibly want all the pressure and stress again, but I guess it's because until my University years education was the last thing I wanted to have to endure. I'm a strange kind of nerd you see...I've always loved to learn, but hated education! University let me learn, without making me feel put upon to be "educated".

Now the world of work beckons, or at least I hope it does otherwise I'm gonna be stuck for answers, and rent, and food come to that! I imagine my procrastination hasn't helped. In fact I may have to write a whole other entry cataloguing my procrastination tendencies. I'm the tortoise rather than the hare, it has to be said. I wish there was a way to inject confidence into oneself. Maybe it's Speed. Although I doubt that would get me a job. And I would despise myself forever! Maybe I'll try drinking more coffee.

More anon dear folk.